Is Anyone Keen for a Contractual Marriage?

In our recent interview on "The Living Room" on 93.8 FM, one listener called in and offered a unique view of marriage. He said in a matter of fact manner that he feels that marriage should be like a contract. The marriage certificate should state that the marriage is only valid for a certain number of years, for example, 5 years and after the 5 years is up, the couple can choose whether or not to renew the "contract". He based it on the reason that in modern society, men and women have high demands on each other and after sometime of being together 24 hours a day, they would find out each other's bad points and insufficiencies and use it as grounds to seek divorce. So why don't we be more realistic since so many people are seeking divorce anyway, to make marriage a contract that one can choose to renew if suitable and to annul if otherwise..

Marriage to most of us meant a lifelong union with your loved one. "I give to you my pledge, to stay by your side as your faithful husband, in sickness and in health, in joy and sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad" says the marriage vow. But can the marriage vow be honoured by most couples these days? Do married couples really fall out when times are bad?

A government report in 2004 exclaimed "Divorce Rates at Record High". The number of marital dissolutions has tripled over the past 2 decades. The most common reason given was "Unreasonable behaviour of spouse". Other reasons include personality differences and infidelity. Are couples really that frustrated with each other after marrying? What has marriage done to them? Has it brought out the evil side which has been so well concealed during the courtship phase? What has gone wrong?

The thought about changing marriage to something of a contractual basis is indeed thought provoking. Marriage with a period of validity would be like signing a business contract. A person who marries and signs this "contract" most probably already has divorce in his mind. In that case, why marry in the first place? By not marrying, you not only spare the legal fees but most importantly, the emotional trauma and heartache of a divorce.

When you are contemplating a divorce, think carefully about it. Think about the past. Remember the time when both of you were just attached. The warm and fuzzy feeling of holding each others hands as you all go dating. Think of why you chose her above and over all the other girls out there. It must have been love that brought the two of you who were once strangers together. Is this marriage so unsalvageable that divorce is the only way out?

Think about the present. Think about the warm home that the both of you built together. If you have kids, think about the time you witnessed the birth of him, the time when he took his first steps, the instance when he started calling you mum and dad. Think of the impact that this breakup will create for your child. If ever the divorce ends up in a fight for his custody, it would be very stressful for him in school and his grades will suffer.

Marriage should be a life-long commitment to your loved one. It involves a great deal of effort from both parties no doubt. However, if one is committed to the relationship from the stage of being attached till marriage, I feel that no obstacle is insurmountable. Contractual marriages may sound like a practical solution to the ever rising divorce rates but it should never be considered. It would only serve to undermine the institution of marriage.

~Chung Pin Soon
The writer is the author of "Love Clinic - How to lose your bachelor's degree", an exciting new book that is packed with innovative dating & relationship strategies designed to help singles and couples succeed at any stage of the relationship cycle. For more information, please visit www.love-clinic.com