Dating Older Ladies

What do these glamorous stars - Mae West, Mary Tyler Moore, Raquel Welsh, Susan Sarandon, Madonna, Joan Collins and Daryl Hannah - have in common? They all married younger men - at least 10 years younger.

Let's examine the difficulties of such a relationship and why older ladies are such an attraction.

We live in a conservative Asian society where the man is looked upon as the breadwinner of the family and the head of the household. Our society frowns on an older-woman-younger-man relationship.

If you get involved with an older woman, people will talk behind your back and whisper words like "toy boy", "gigolo", "sugar mommy", and "sagging flesh". Your parents will express reservations about the your commitment. Your friends and colleagues will disapprove and criticize you.

Terence's friend faces a similar situation. He said, "I know of a guy whose wife is 16 years older than him!! Till now they're still happily married, though many people had mistook his wife as his mother…but love conquers all".

Why is it such a taboo relationship?
In this type of relationship, the older woman is often in control. Some people think that a woman dates a younger man so that she can manipulate him; that the younger man is so awestruck by her attention because of his inexperience.

Some people think that some older women who are newly divorced look for toy boys for no-strings-attached fun. Compared to older men, these younger men are not ready for a serious relationship. They only want to have fun. No wonder they are called toy boy. Moreover younger men have the stamina and a who-cares-about-tomorrow attitude to satisfy their lust.

What is it about older women that attract younger men? What do they have, that their younger women don't?

Older women have self-confidence
The feminine trivialities, and the pettiness that drives young women crazy and turns men off are not in their vocabulary. The older woman has enough life experience in dealing with her insecurities and fear. Self-confidence is a sexy trait John says that "women are like fine wine - they only get better with age."

Older women have wisdom and experience
They are established in their career and probably more affluent than their younger counterpart. They are wiser in their view of the world. Old women are more grounded and realistic in their expectations. They bring emotional stability to the relationship.

Vincent, aged 31, said, "Just the fact that there's so much to learn from an older woman, that they have so many more life experiences to draw upon, is an adventure to me. It's like a rush."

Older women are stronger
They know what they want from life and love and they don't play mind games like some younger women do. They are direct and confident. They are sure of themselves and know how to communicate what their desires. Younger men find some younger women to be malleable, shallow, and boring.

Dan, age 24, also expressed a similar theme: "When I meet a woman over 30, she's usually very clear and focused. She knows what she wants in life and it makes being with her so much easier. I look at a lot of my friends who have girlfriends their age and younger and the problems they have strike me as ridiculous. They frequently act foolish and immature. I don't have time for that behavior -- that's why I like mature women."

Better Sex
Some believe that sex with an older woman is better.

Scott, 25 share the same sentiments. "The biggest advantage is that they know what they want so there's no guesswork. You may try to please them and they'll tell you if it isn't working. I loved it. That's a turn on. Absolutely no negatives about sex? it was the best. The best!" he said.

Age is Just a Number
What about the age differences? Age is just a number; it is not a measure of wisdom. One can be old at forty and young at seventy-five. A successful relationship is not based on being the same age. What is more important are the other ingredients such as compatibility, shared visions, interest and their feelings for each other.

Weigh the pros and cons of such a relationship and decide if it is right for you. To sustain such a relationship, you have to feel secure about the relationship and be unfazed by the unwanted attention. Despite the disapproval by society, in general it can be a viable, workable relationship. The choice is yours.

~Sam Choo
The WOW Coach
sam@wow-her.com.sg